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How To Pet An Owl

coldmackerel:

"so what are your plans for after you graduate?"

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slipstreamsunshine:

icaylasweetheart:

Take the time to read through. This is the most beautifully sarcastic thing I’ve ever read.

I was preparing to be outraged. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised.

sucymemebabaran:

ah yes the four seasons. wet, hot, halloween, and christmas

burgrs:

in 9th grade i was getting picked on in class and this girl was like “fuck you guys leave him alone” and called me over to her seat and I was like “thx lol” and she was like “I have something special to show you don’t tell the teacher” and I said “ok” and she pulled a guinea pig out of her purse 

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

never let your printer know that you waited until the last minute to print something and you’re in a hurry. they can sense fear

reaction to disney movie songs
  • age of 8: oh my god this is so awkward i hate these parts why isn't there just normal dialogue please stop the singing
  • age of 18: PRINCE ALIII FABULOUS HEEE ALI ABABWAAAA

  • camwhoreconfessional:

dantegigas:

ladybug-tatum:

taylorsplat:

ashieart:

heytheretylerr:

WHAT KIND OF WIZARD FISH IS THIS

This little fish lives deeeeeeeeeep down in the ocean and spits that little glob of bio luminescent liquid to momentarily distract predators and escape being eaten

It’s a wizard

Cast magic missile at the darkness

It’s a Galstaff fish!

WIZARDRY!!! MUST CAPTURE AND HARNESS ITS POWERS!
    story of my fucking life
  • Me: I won't let it bother me I won't let it bother me I won't let it bother me
  • Me: *lays down to sleep at night*
  • Me: It bothers me, actually it really fucking bothers me, so let's lay here and think and stress about it instead of sleeping.